Finding answers

As a child, you follow your parents religion, their customs, rituals, etc. But as one grows up and starts observing and analysing life as an individual,  things start changing. This might not happen with everyone, but it happens with many, and I'm one of them and you might be one too.

My mother's unshakable belief in a Hindu deity is enviable and I shared it for a long time. It worked for me too as it provided me with a sense of security and a friend for lonely days, especially when I went away to study in a new city.

I can't put my finger on any one incident which shook my belief or something that changed me overnight. It was a gradual process. As a college student, I was introduced to a host of new theories, religions, practices, beliefs, and ways of life, which were beyond my limited knowledge and experience. Meanwhile, many of my maternal side cousins joined a highly popular Buddhist movement and urged me to join too. I did attend a few meetings but couldn't decide.

One fateful day, my youngest paternal cousin, a darling of the family, passed away in a tragic road accident. Being from an extremely close-knit extended family, and my deep attachment and love for him, his passing shook me up. I always believed in astrology, palmistry, and all such sciences, but when my dear little brother went away, nothing made sense, as nothing could predict this accident, no panditji could warn him or the family of this impending tragedy. More than anything else, this incident left me with a big 'Why?' Why him, why us, why now, why, why, why...

This is when I found solace in the theory of 'cause and effect', which was explained to me in the context of Buddhism. We see the effect, but the cause most of the times is beyond our comprehension, although it's we only who create it knowingly or otherwise. I thought, is this about the unending circle of life where we accumulate good and bad and our present is governed by our past and our future by our present! Made sense to my logical mind, otherwise why would someone suffer more than others, why is the world so disbalanced, why such disparity! There has to be a reason for it. Nobody's born a certain way, we don't have categories in human beings, do we?

Over the years, among other things, the fascinating accounts of past life regression sessions by Dr. Brian Weiss in his books have also further strengthened my belief in cause and effect. And all this while, Hinduism's philosophy of karma has been at the back of my mind, from which the Buddhist philosophy of 'cause and effect' emerged, which was scientifically backed by Newton's third law.

I would love to learn and explore more with the help of others who understand my quest and dilemma. I leave you here with a question. Do our past life karma follow us in our present lifetime and affect us so acutely? Do we have no control or is it in our hands to shape our present and future?

P.S: Through a series of blog entries, I would be sharing with you my ongoing journey of exploring the different facets of life and the significance of religion and spirituality. Your comments will help me explore new aspects and gain fresh perspective.