Conversation with myself Part 1

 Am I being myself?

Who is this, myself?

I'm 40 years old. wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, etc. etc.

But who am I?

Why do I still don't know?

What is my calling?

What are my beliefs?

What do I stand for?

What do I love doing?

What gives me joy?

What gives me peace?

What is my purpose in this life?

What do I want?

This list goes on and on...

Where are the answers to these questions?

Answer: Within me

How do I find the answers?

Answer: By getting to know myself

How do I do it?

Answer: Spend time with myself

And do what?

Answer: WRITE.

My mommy is the best!

Dear mumma,

Gratitude is a small word. The feeling in inexplicable. May you continue living your life with vitality, joy, childlike curiosity, wanderlust, love for beautiful things, music, Radha Madhav, Hanuman, sketching, singing, making everyone and everything beautiful around you. 

Your baby forever

As Julie Andrews famously said, let's start at the very beginning. I believe that our story begins way before we are born. Our story has no beginning or end. We are a sum total of our past generations. Their life, their struggles and passions shape us the way we are. We are multi-dimensional in that sense. our roots run very deep, yet we feel any storm can uproot us and carry us with it. A lot many people dig into their family trees and find out about their history. That gives them some kind of perspective or hope.

I'm just beginning on this journey of self-discovery and my first stop is my parents. The humans who brought me to this earth, who gave me a beautiful life, unconditional love, a name, a secure home.

I want to begin with the person who gave my soul a portal to be born on this realm. Why did she choose me, why did I choose her? What's our backstory? I may never know in this lifetime. But what I know is that I chose to be loved and cherished, cared for and celebrated by my mother. She's my anchor, my lifeline. Someone who has the magical ability to instill life and joy in me even when I lose every will to move forward. I wish I had the courage that you have, mumma. 

I always thought that all mothers are like my mother, fierce, loving, protective. But my very naive notion was broken by some personal experiences and examples. I count my blessings every day and pray that I become a mother like my mother. And this is not what I started feeling after becoming a mother myself. I've had this feeling since my childhood. I remember writing in my mom's birthday cards that I want to be a mom like my mom. I knew that me and my brother were blessed. 

I'm still figuring out my life at 40. But my mommy keeps inspiring me, standing like a rock with me, come what may.